I woke up today feeling like a total failure.
These past few months I've been doing a lot of thinking. Brainstorming, trying to gather ideas, reading almost everything on the internet, and writing everything in my mind on paper. It feels like the moment I take a step forward, I end up taking a thousand steps back to where I started.
3 years ago, when I clocked 16, I had written a few realistic goals that I hoped to have achieved or at least have taken some important steps toward achieving but here I am few weeks to 20 and I can't say I've taken an important step towards achieving my most realistic goal. Yh, I know according to some people, I'm doing a lot better than other people my age but if only I could stop feeling like a failure long enough for me to understand and accept that.
I've chosen to blame this feeling on a lot of factors asides from myself, I mean we're Nigerians, isn't that what we're supposed to do? At first, I thought to blame it on my lack of motivation, it's not like the ideas are not there but I find it hard to get up from my bed and get to work, or maybe I could just call it it's the actual name 'laziness' then later I began to blame it on my procrastinating habits, I tend to always want to do things later. I'm always doing something for someone else and never remember to do my own thing then later I decided why not just blame it on lack of time, why 24 hours? Can't it be like 30-45hours in a day maybe the day would be a little more productive? Let's not forget the days I get up and get to work, it was like all the forces from my village wouldn't let anything work, the struggle, the frustration, the trial and error, it's just too much then just recently I concluded that maybe I'm just not good enough, maybe my dreams are supposed to remain just dreams, who would care if you don't fulfill 'purpose'
I'm currently hanging on this thin line between wanting to keep pushing or just giving up and accepting that a 9-5 might not be as bad as people say it is. I guess this is the point where I tell myself that I'll figure it out, knowing fully well that I'm just going to have another unproductive day while thinking about ways I could have a better tomorrow until I fall asleep waiting for 'the tomorrow'
Borrowing Alexia's words, I wouldn't mind a lot of advice and a sprinkle of funds
Sprinkle of funds🤣🤣. I love this baby. I like the honesty, you kniw what is wrong and you are workung towards it not there yet, not even close but you have taken a step. I am so proud of you baby
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up dear just try to fight that spirit of procrastination and trust in God
ReplyDeleteThis actually is more like an opportunity which needs to be ceased at all cost , greatness is what I see at the end of this winner may God grant to u more grace to carry on the good work .:
ReplyDeleteAll the best for you o
ReplyDeleteBeautiful stuff. Many young persons go through this same thing too you know. Well I’m glad you’ve figured out your wrongs, it’s not too late dear. It’s time to do what’s right and keep pushing. Love your words. Keep giving us things like this
ReplyDeleteI’ll try and keep supporting in any which way I can ❤️🔥
ReplyDeleteWhen you have the urge to do something good it's a very good thing, because others at the same time also get the urge to do bad things. So don't work yourself out, you might not be where you want to be but at least you're not where you started from. That's a sign of progress
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